Eating that Baileys bar while I take an online quiz called “Should you become a teacher?”
Just demolished half a family sized trifle. #obeselifestylechoices
I had a realisation last night.
I got back from a clothing swap full of fat babes on a big high. I had a great time and got lots of goodies. When I got home and looked through the clothes I picked up I just felt a bit deflated.
I think my frustration of not having my dream wardrobe and worrying about achieving a certain aesthetic that I never manage or can afford is because my fantasy wardrobe is my replacement thin fantasy.
Years ago (once upon a time) before fat acceptance I never dieted really for aesthetics, I never noticed a difference in my body when I lost weight. I did it because obvs my life would be perfect if I was thin. Now I think I feel like if my wardrobe was perfect then my life would be perfect. I spend a lot time thinking about clothes or figuring out how I could get the things I want in my size. Followed by guilt about spending money.
How I present myself is so tied up in my body politics, being visible on my own terms, in feeling good about myself that I feel like it is definitely okay to care I just wish I didn’t feel guilt/anxiety about it.
Dreaming of lemon drizzle cake.
And the new season of The Mindy Project.